Detectives
by NightcatMau
Summary: What would happen if the world of mortals and magic came together? What if Detective Monk was partnered with Skulduggery Pleasant? What if I actually get readers? Two-shot can grow if readers love it. RESUMED
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I don't own Monk, Trudy, Sharona, Natalie, Stottlemeyer, Skulduggery, Ghastly or Valkyrie. Val's about 23 here.

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Adrian Monk fretted as he waited for his new partner. What was he doing in Ireland anyhow? Was there really magic? No there couldn't be. Because if magic worked his wife would be back, wouldn't she? Because magic had to make as much sense as wishing.

And he wished every day he had Trudy back by his side. It would be better than all the nurses. Nurses. He hadn't needed one of those when she was alive. Of course people hadn't called him a washed up looser then either. Or crazy. As he waited he straightened the magazine on the waiting table, and wiped off some smudges but now his hankerchief was dirty, and what about germs? He fretted, and only looked up in helpless dismay when a masculine voice cleared itself.

Monk took in the sight before him and almost screamed in fright. It was a skeleton in a suit. But a well-tailored, extremely neat suit. Everything in order, everything neat, even his bones gleamed. That made him almost comforting, in a way. The skeleton extended a gloved hand, but Monk couldn't take it no matter how much he wanted to. "Hello," The skeleton said in a velvety voice. "I'm Skulduggery Pleasant, you're new partner for this case. I believe your Capitan Stottlemeyer gave you my dossier."

"I'm sorry. I can't- I can't shake hands. I'm sick. If- If Natalie were here, she could tell you." He expected the skeleton to laugh, but he didn't. He titled his head thoughtfully instead.

"I am very sorry your companion and fellow detective can't be with you, but I think you'll find me a most adequate substitute. We can't reveal magic to any more mortals than need be, you wouldn't even be here, but the case is beyond me."

"You got that right, bone head." A beautiful young girl walked up and nodded to Monk, but kept her hands behind her back. "I'm Valkyrie Cain, this village idiot's normal partner, but I'm going to sit this one out unless you really need me. But you'll both be a good match, though Skulduggery refuses to admit he has severe OCD. Anyhow, welcome to the Irish Sanctuary and if you need any help I'll be a ring away. Uh, that's call for you Americans, isn't it? I'd shake hands, I really would, but I know you don't like to. To tell you the truth, I don't either." She smiled and Monk found himself smiling back.

Monk smiled shakily at Skulduggery. "Can she come with us? She could be my Sharona."

"Your what?" The skeleton asked, clearly confused.

"His first partner, well you'd be snobby and call her a nurse was Sharona Fleming, Skulduggery. Didn't you bother to read his dossier?" Valkyrie asked, glaring at her partner.

"Yes-" Skulduggery replied and Monk sensed the skeleton was lying, at least partly.

"Oh, Lord. You and your stupid hat. You were fussing with that hat instead of reading while Ghastly briefed us, I swear, Skulduggery!" She growled and Monk smiled. She reminded him _exactly_ of Sharona, that much was comforting.

**Ta-da! OK, don't wanna do no more if people don't want it. But I wanted 1) a story made entirely out of one page chapters, and 2) a Monk/Skulduggery crossover story. Which, I'm well aware has likely been done five billion times already.**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I don't own Monk, Sharona, Skulduggery or Valkyrie. Val is still 23, POV belongs to Monk. Thanks so very much to **jakefan**, **Im The Sweet** and **XxbeautifulxX134** for reading and reviewing Chapter 1.

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Monk looked back at Valkyrie hopefully. Clearly she was in charge here. "Would you come? It would be a lot of help, and you carry a bag, just like Sharona did."

Valkyrie grinned at him and Monk felt comforted. "Yup, figured you'd need the things in here. Disposable gloves, plastic bags, hand cleanser. Here, give me that handkerchief and take this." She whipped out hand sanitizer with her now gloved hands and took the hankerchief in a plastic bag.

Sharona had never worn gloves, but then he was stressed out and this beautiful young girl had guessed his immune system was compromised. Monk felt his heart flutter with gratitude. "God Bless you." He said accepting the sealed hand sanitizer and applying it. She then produced a fresh new hankerchief also in a bag and he was touched.

Skulduggery snorted. "You never treat me this well."

Valkyrie turned and looked at him. "Because it would only make_ you_ worse. Now since you didn't bother to read, here are the rules you need to know about Detective Monk. He is in control of everything, if he won't touch something you have to do it for him, and the first place we should be going is the crime scene. Got that?"

The skeleton nodded, clearly intimidated by his younger partner, but that was good for him, Monk thought. He needed her to boss him around like Monk needed Sharona. Clearly he wasn't capable of doing anything for himself and Monk felt sorry for him.

Monk looked at Valkyrie hopefully. "Is there really magic? I mean real magic? You could tell me on the way to the crime scene." She smiled at him before she replied.

"You're going to partner with a living skeleton, but yes, there's more magic than that. You're OK with small flames?" She asked gently. Monk nodded. "OK then. Watch." She snapped her fingers and drew a small flame. Monk looked at it in wonder.

"That's- That's wonderful. It must be amazing to be able to do that. Think of how many things you could sanitize with flames alone." He said wistfully. Valkyrie smiled and let the flame go out then gestured so that Skulduggery would lead the way out of the Sanctuary.

Monk sensed that Skulduggery smiled at him too, thought it was hard to tell. Valkyrie bumped the skeleton with her elbow and gestured to her collarbones. Monk watched his skull go back in shock, and Skulduggery turned to him. "Oh Lord, I forgot. I'm terribly sorry. I must have given you a fright. Here, so you don't have to look at _this_ all day." He gestured to his skull then tapped his collarbones and a face flowed onto them.

It wasn't a real face, it looked like a mask a burn victim would wear and the eyes were off. They looked unfocused. Monk just smiled at Skulduggery, not wanting to hurt the man's feelings and admit it was the ugliest thing he'd ever seen.

Skulduggery led the way to an elegant car, he told Monk it was a Bentley, and Monk nodded excitedly. " A 1954 Bentley R-Type Continental only 208 ever made. The interior is spotless!" He enthused. Skulduggery just smiled and Valkyrie slipped in the back seat leaving the front to the two men.

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**So, the case begins!**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I don't own Monk, Trudy, Skulduggery or Valkyrie. Thanks go out to **KasumiCain**, **lidz12345** and **ChucklingDevil** for all the reviews. Thanks for the faves and follows as well!

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Monk surveyed the crime scene, taking a pen out of his pocket to prod the carpet. "I've already checked the crime scene." Skulduggery said sulkily.

"Shut up, Skulduggery!" Valkyrie snapped and Monk smiled. The two went on bickering but he tuned them out reconstructing the crime through the clues. He could see what everyone else had missed. It was a blessing and a curse and today also a puzzle.

"Why is there sand in this carpet?" He asked frowning as he dug particles out with the pen. "I need this analyzed, we need to know what region it is from. And here," his voice got a little excited as he scooted over to the couch. "This could be most useful. Evidence bags please." He said and Valkyrie went to him, opening bags for him to slip sand and a bracelet he'd found into.

"Would you check inside the couch?" He asked nervously. "I would, but you know, germs-" She smiled and nodded. Monk felt his heart go soft. He watched her put on fresh gloves and examine the couch, opening the slip covers, pressing the cushions, removing them, slipping her hands into places that had to be a warren of germs and he started to reach out a hand to stop her and blinked. He'd wanted to touch her. That was odd, even if it was from wanting to protect her.

Monk sighed inwardly. He remembered being a fearless and brilliant detective before he'd lost Trudy. Then his mind had turned in on itself somehow and there was no cure. He brought his mind back to the case, feeling the skeleton watching him closely. Monk moved closer to see what Valkyrie was finding and thought he heard and annoyed grunt, but when he looked Skulduggery was standing stock-still seemingly looking at nothing.

Valkyrie showed him what she'd found, sounding disappointed. "Just some change and- Wait a minute, that penny is brand new but this house had been abandoned for two years before the crime took place."

"Good girl." Skulduggery murmured, moving at last to come stand beside her and tilted his head to stare at the coins. "I'm getting soft Valkyrie, I missed so much."

"No, sir, you didn't." Monk said and the both turned to face him. "I mean, look at this place. It was clearly cleaned by a professional crew after you left. But I found evidence? I mean come on, clearly it was planted." He said smiling at them encouragingly.

Valkyrie gasped in wonder and even Skulduggery's facade looked a little awed. "I'm glad we called you in." He said faintly. The skeleton put a hand to his forehead and weaved slightly. "Valkyrie? I don't feel well." He said, then hit the floor face first and didn't move.

Valkyrie was on him in an instant, turning him over and searching his clothes. "Something had to have been done to him, he just doesn't pass out, he doesn't even breathe."

"He was playing with the curtain cord." Monk said, feeling guilty for saying it but Skulduggery _had_ been playing with it. Valkyrie went to examine the cord and Monk heard her curse softly. She took tweezers out of her pocket and removed the piece of plastic Skulduggery had been batting at.

"Enchanted." She said, bagging it, and Monk wondered just what kind of case he'd gotten himself into.

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**And Skulduggery goes down for the count! Seems like our criminal not only knew about Monk, but Skulduggery's need to fiddle with things when he is bored as well. The mystery deepens.**


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I don't own Monk, Trudy, Skulduggery or Valkyrie. Thanks go out to **lidz12345** and **ChucklingDevil** for reviewing Chapter 3 and for all the faves and follows.

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Monk stared around the Sanctuary infirmary impressed. The doctors had examined the enchanted plastic (he still had problems believing it had been enchanted) and had treated Skulduggery. The skeleton lay on a bed unmoving but Valkyrie said he'd be fine. "He'd fall apart if he died. I've seen it happen." She said softly. "The bit of plastic at the end of the cord had a sigil drawn on it. I don't know how he missed it, but when he touched it he activated it."

"Then it could have made any one of us ill?" Monk asked. She nodded and his mind whirred into overdrive. So much of this seemed like a setup to make Skulduggery look bad. The planted evidence, the sigil (whatever that was) that he'd missed. He was being made to look like a fool and Monk felt sorry for him. But he felt more sorry for Valkyrie.

She was young and beautiful and magical. She didn't deserve this. To have two neurotic detectives to care for. She deserved a handsome partner who was brave and bold, everything he wasn't. Wait. Why was he even thinking like this? It had to be stress. Valkyrie was too young for him, surely. Even if her wonderful smiles and tender care were melting his heart. She'd make such a wonderful partner.

The skeleton stirred and looked at Valkyrie. For a moment a look of infinite tenderness passed between the partners and Monk expected them to hold one another in relief. Then a look of utter rage came over Valkyrie's face and she slapped Skulduggery so hard that his skull rocked to the side. "Ow! What was that for?" He whined, rubbing his teeth and cheek as if the blow had hurt.

"For not paying attention, Skulduggery! You played with a sigil, really? How stupid are you?" She was roaring at the top of her lungs and Monk felt bad for Skulduggery but everyone around them ignored the display of anger like it was normal.

"I heard a voice. It told me if I touched the sigil I'd-" Skulduggery cut off and looked away, clearly ashamed. Valkyrie seemed torn between love for her partner and anger. Mostly anger but Monk understood that type of anger. She hadn't been able to protect Skulduggery any more than he had protected Trudy. She stormed off and he knew she was going to cry. Not because she was a woman, but because he remembered tears following his own rage too.

The skeleton sighed and Monk turned to him, watching him sit up. "I've failed her. I used to be her hero, you know? A long time ago. Her world revolved around me. Lately I'm lucky if she even has free time for a craic on the phone. She doesn't need me anymore, Detective Monk and I'm not sure how to handle it." Monk couldn't belive what he was doing, but he stood up and patted Skulduggery's shoulder, trying not to think of the germs and wishing he had hand sanitizer.

"I'm sure you're still her hero, she was scared she was going to loose you. The whole way here she was blaming herself. She cares about you a lot, she- Valkyrie has the idea you'll think she is weak if she shows it. She needs you." He said and he could have sworn the skeleton smiled at him even without the facade. "What did the voice say you would get? It could be important."

"That the woman I love the most would be back in my arms." Skulduggery said and Monk knew exactly how he felt. Exactly.

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**Whoa! So many dramas! Is Monk falling in love with Val? Does Skulduggery want his wife back?**


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